Кризис среднего возраста

Как психотерапия может помочь превратить кризис среднего возраста в уникальную возможность для личной трансформации.

На тему кризиса среднего возраста существует множество шуток – в них обычно фигурирует лысый толстяк в красной спортивной машине. Но если взглянуть на статистические данные, то становится совсем не смешно. Исследования уже не раз подтверждали тот факт, что самая «несчастливая» возрастная группа – это люди от 40 до 50 лет.

Так что если вам сорок с небольшим и вы чувствуете себя несчастным, раздражительным, депрессивным, «застрявшим в рутине» – радуйтесь, вы не одни!

Большая доля моих клиентов принадлежит именно к этой возрастной группе и все разнообразие проблем, которые мы решаем, объединяет одна тема – midlife crisis.

Семейные пары на стадии развода или переживающие последствия неверности одного из супругов, «менеджеры высшего звена» в состоянии хронического стресса, родители, не знающие как общаться с собственными подросшими детьми, немолодые пары, пытающиеся завести детей – все это лишь немногие из ситуаций, с которыми приходят к терапевту.

В своей книге, посвященной теме кризиса середины жизни, психотерапевт Эндрю Маршал приводит список признаков, которые могут указывать на состояние кризиса.

• Скука и разочарование в людях или занятиях, которые нравились раньше
• Ощущение беспокойства и желание перестроить жизнь совершенно по-новому
• Беспокойство по поводу будущего
• Сомнения по поводу ранее принятых решений и размышления на тему смысла жизни
• Неопределенность по поводу своего пути в жизни
• Фантазии о том, как бы могла сложиться жизнь
• Раздражительность, неожиданные вспышки гнева
• Продолжительные периоды плохого настроения
• Использование алкоголя, наркотиков, еды для улучшения настроения
• Повышение или, наоборот, снижение интереса к сексу
• Снижение или, наоборот, резкое повышение амбиций
• Сомнения по поводу собственного статуса и карьерных достижений
• Беспокойство на тему детей и желания иметь(или не иметь) детей в будущем

Так что же делать, если вы вдруг оказались в ситуации, когда многое достигнуто, но уже неинтересно? Когда все достижения кажутся бессмысленными и хочется сделать все по-новому, но непонятно, как?
Одна моя клиентка очень четко выразила это состояние фразой: «Я сделала в жизни все, что от меня ожидали, и что теперь?»

Наверное сначала необходимо признать, что кризис среднего возраста действительно существует. Китайское слово «кризис» состоит из двух иероглифов – «опасность» и «возможность». Выбор за вами.

Между 20 и 30 годами мы запрограммированы на успех и карьеру, часто совсем не в той области, которую мы бы выбрали сами. Мы стремимся к достижению определенных «маркеров» успеха – создание семьи, рождение детей, обретение определенного социального статуса, повышение по работе и тд. В эти годы мы слишком заняты, чтобы задуматься о том, чем бы нам хотелось заниматься на самом деле.

Время между 40 и 50 годами дает нам этот шанс – сделать паузу и задуматься. До сих пор вы зачастую воплощали в жизнь чьи-то чужие амбиции(родителей, социума и тд) и не задумывались о своих собственных. Сейчас – ваше время.

Небольшое предупреждение. Когда вы понемногу начнете разбираться в том, чего вы, собственно, хотите от жизни, вам может начать противоречить ваш собственный внутренний голос. Этот голос скажет вам, что вы просто ленивы и эгоистичны, что пора перестать предаваться мечтам и что вас ждет миллион дел, которые надо переделать. Если говорить языком психотерапии, это ваше «Адаптированное Я» противоречит вашему «Истинному Я».
В такой ситуации может помочь психотерапия. Многие клиенты говорили мне, что сессии стали для них временем, когда можно было разобраться с собственными внутренними противоречиями и сфокусироваться на себе, не отвлекаясь на каждодневные дела и запросы окружающих.
С помощью психотерапевта вы сможете услышать своего «Внутреннего критика», а также понять, что этот голос – совсем не вы, и что вы многого не знаете о своих внутренних ресурсах и возможностях.

Кризис среднего возраста ставит перед вами непростую задачу – понять, как вы хотите прожить вторую половину своей жизни. Поэтому не давайте повседневности отвлечь вас от этого важного дела. Если вы не справитесь с задачей сейчас – кризис вернется через 5, 10, 15 лет. Если вы полностью проигнорируете ситуацию – кризис может выразится в форме соматических заболеваний и нервных срывов.

Не откладывайте задачу в долгий ящик и не бойтесь принятия решений. Кризис середины жизни дает вам уникальную возможность стать наконец собой и прожить именно свою жизнь.
DSCF0070

Don’t be afraid of failure

girl on swing

How often a fear of failure has stopped you from moving forward? What would happen if you knew that you can’t fail?
You can’t have a guaranteed success, but you can learn to look at failure differently.
Benjamin Franklin said: “I have not failed, I’ve had 10,000 ideas that did not work”.
Thomas Edison said: “Of the 200 light bulbs that didn’t work, every failure told me something that I was able to incorporate into the next attempt”.
The person who does not make mistakes is unlikely to do anything (Paul Arden)

Try a little exercise to help you build immunity to failure. If you are afraid of cold calling customers, do this. Set yourself a task to fail at least 20 times(the more the better). Start calling people. Every time your offer is rejected count it as a success and congratulate yourself. By the time you get to 20 you would be surprised how lightly you would take rejection and how easier it would become to chat to people. You will be surprised when your offer is accepted!(maybe even a little disappointed).

FAIL, FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER. Samuel Beckett

You can achieve the unachievable!

treetopsDSCF0070

Inspirational quotes from advertising guru Paul Arden:

Firstly you need to aim beyond what you are capable of.

You must develop a complete disregard to where your abilities end.

Try to do the things that you are incapable of.

If you think you are unable to work for the best company in its sphere, make that your aim.

If you think your are incapable of running a company, make that your aim.

If you think you are unable to be on the cover of Time magazine, make it your business to be there.

Make your vision of where you want to be a reality.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

10 Questions Diet – coming soon!

passionflower-1643154_1280How would it feel, if one day you would be able to stick to your healthy eating plan, follow it through and know, that this time you are going to succeed and that in a few months you will look and feel fantastic.

How would it be to know that there will be no setbacks and the weight you lost will never come back.

10 Questions Diet will help you do just that.

Anna Storey was a trainee psychotherapist when she realized, that in a course of her personal therapy she has not only got rid of old psychological blocks, that were holding her back, but has also lost some weight and has dramatically changed her diet.
Later, working with clients in her private practice, Anna has noticed the same things happening to some of her clients.

Are you tired of dieting?

Have you tried and failed to lose weight?

Maybe a diet worked for you at first, but then you just put all that weight back on again?

Losing weight isn’t easy – otherwise, why would overweight people continue to put up with prejudice, disapproval and feelings of guilt and shame?

In fact, almost one in four adults in England is classified as obese.

There is no genetic explanation why some people are unable to regulate their food intake. Research indicates that the answer may lie in our emotional relationship with food.

It may not be real hunger that pushes us to reach for second helpings, but actually a response to an emotional need elsewhere, which is nothing to do with food.

This book will offer you 10 questions to explore, think about and answer as honestly as possible. The answers will help you find out what your relationship with food really is.

You will think about why you want to go on a diet now and how thin do you want to be.

We will explore your dieting history.

You will discover what your weight means to you. You will visualize yourself being thin and see how you feel about it.

We will discuss the role food played in your family– what messages did you get from your parents about eating or not eating? What cultural attitudes to food were predominant? How were overweight people regarded?

As a result, you will learn to start listening to your body, to recognize your emotional needs and find other ways of fulfilling them, rather than overeating.

Instead of fighting your body, you will begin to live in harmony with it, and to enjoy your newfound energy and drive.

The Myth of A Natural Birth

canada-goose-216003_1280As I counsellor I do some voluntary work for a Birth Trauma Association. My job consists of giving email advice to new mums on how to deal with the consequences of traumatic birth experience, helping them to find a counsellor etc. More often than not I help mothers to start processing the birth experience itself– confirming that what happened was, indeed, quite traumatic and it is hardly surprising that a new mother is presently feeling low, anxious or depressed.
I am talking here of a physical trauma – something went wrong, there were complications, medical support was inadequate, baby or mother’s life was in danger and so on. What is surprising, though, that very often I get emails from mothers who have delivered healthy babies and are feeling physically ok, yet emotionally they are in a complete turmoil. I am not talking about post-natal depression, which may be caused by hormones, lack of sleep, complete change of lifestyle etc. These are the cases when emotional distress is caused by a wide gap between mother’s expectation of birth and an actual birth experience.
More often than not, these women had an idealized picture of birth – completely “natural”, almost pain free, no medication or drugs involved. Which is a fantastic idea in itself and it is great when birth goes as planned. Unfortunately, it is not often the case. Thousands of things can go and do go wrong and medical help is required. As a result, instead of feeling exhilarated and proud after giving birth to a healthy baby, new mothers feel like failures. This feeling of inadequacy and failure can sometimes develop into depression.
In their antenatal groups expectant mothers are commonly given a picture of a “natural” birth as an only “right” option, making it sound easy and achievable for everyone. Birth is, indeed, a natural process, but it is also quite natural for it to go wrong. Many women through the history have died in the process and it is still happening in many countries today. Advocating the “natural” birth as an only option should always include mentioning the risks associated with it. Expectant mothers should be offered different options and the choice should be theirs, depending on the circumstances, health risks etc. Rather than bullying women into one “right” way of giving birth, antenatal groups should be explaining pluses and minuses of various options and providing women with information. What works for one mother could be completely wrong for another and there is no need to make a failure from what should be a celebration.
Having met plenty of women who have opted for a natural birth, I have yet to meet a person who has asked to see a “natural dentist

Getting Into Shape After Having A Baby

happy selfGETTING INTO SHAPE AFTER HAVING A BABY

One of the most common problems facing new mums is losing weight after having a baby. I can remember discussing various diets with my girlfriends and looking forward to recovering my pre-baby body. I also remember really struggling with being on a diet and not quite succeeding. My friend’s experiences are quite similar to mine. So why do diets so often don’t work? I did not get my answers until quite a few years later when I was seeing clients as a counsellor and having counselling myself.

If you are looking after a lively toddler (or two!), you might be craving food because you are tired, not because you are hungry. Before starting on yet another diet, which is likely to make you even more exhausted, it is worth asking yourself a few simple questions: Why am I reaching for food now? Am I tired? Sleepy? Just need some comfort? There are many other ways of fulfilling these needs rather than food.

Losing weight isn’t easy – otherwise, why would overweight people continue to put up with prejudice, disapproval and feelings of guilt and shame?
In fact, almost one in four adults in England is classified as obese.
There is no genetic explanation why some people are unable to regulate their food intake. Research indicates that the answer may lie in our emotional relationship with food.
It may not be real hunger that pushes us to reach for second helpings, but actually a response to an emotional need elsewhere, which is nothing to do with food.
Well known weight loss companies have for many years successfully used group counselling techniques to help people lose weight.
In my practice, I work with clients on resolving emotional blocks that prevent them from achieving their perfect weight.
During sessions we first find out what the client’s relationship with food really is. What does he or she feel just before reaching for food? And what about after? What do they say to themselves when they overeat?
Next, we explore what being overweight means to my client. We experiment with my clients seeing themselves thin and imagining how their life is going to change as the result.
We discuss the role food played in a family of origin – what messages were given by parents about eating or not eating? What cultural attitudes to food were predominant? How were overweight people regarded?

If you would like to lose weight, start noticing when you overeat – do you reach for biscuits when you are tired? Upset? Anxious? Is there anything you can do to deal with your emotional discomfort instead of eating? Paying attention to and resolving a psychological issue is a way to loose weight for good, much more effective than a crush diet (which is likely to make you even more stressed and irritable).

Taking supplements might also help you lose weight after pregnancy. Certain food cravings indicate that your body is lacking vitamins or minerals. For instance, if you can’t live without peanut butter, it means that your vitamin B intake is insufficient. Taking a supplement instead of dipping into the jar will greatly improve your waistline!
Craving cheese is often a sign of Calcium and Phosphorus deficiency. Try taking a supplement or eating more broccoli – it is high in calcium and phosphorus and has a lot less calories than cheese.
If you need comfort food when you are stressed – give Omega 3 a try and make sure you take it for at least a month. Essential Fatty Acids improve brain functioning and might make you feel calmer and clear the brain fog.

Quite often food cravings are not a sign of a particular vitamin shortage, but just indicate that you need rest. One client complained that she was a chocolate addict and could not get rid of the habit. A born perfectionist, she could never take a break and relax, so the chocolate for her became a substitute for a good rest.

Research indicates that overweight people, who try, but don’t manage to loose weight, often don’t have clear motivation. So when you decide to loose some weight, first ask yourself – how thin would you like to be? What does being thin means for you? Do you know your ideal weight and have a clear plan of how to reach it? Otherwise, your weight loss program will become just another exercise in self-criticism and low self-esteem.

Don’t blame yourself for an occasional chocolate or second helpings. Internal criticism is not likely to stop you eating too much, but will definitely make you feel bad and as a result – more comfort eating! Pay attention to your feelings and look after yourself, then you will not only achieve your perfect weight, but also learn to live in harmony with your body.

Anna Storey at www.annastorey-counselling.com

Как витамины и омега 3 помогут справиться с депрессией

FullSizeRender-35
Многие мои клиенты жалуются, что врач рекомендовал им принимать антидепрессанты, но им бы не хотелось зависеть от таблеток.
Во многих случаях антидепрессанты необходимы, однако, если вы не хотите начинать с таблеток, попробуйте сделать некоторые изменения в вашей диете.

Исследования показывают, что большинство людей, страдающих от депрессии, имеют недостаток витаминов группы Б в организме. Дневная доза – 25-50мг.
Даже совершенно здоровые люди становятся более подвержены стрессу если в их диете наступает недостаток ниацина или фолиевой кислоты.

Другой элемент, необходимый для нашего психического здоровья – это Магнезиум. Он необходим для правильного функционирования нервной системы. Рекомендуемая дневная доза – 250-500 мг. Если Вы страдаете бессонницей – принимайте как минимум 300 мг перед сном.

И наконец, всем моим клиентам я советую принимать Омегу 3. Омега 3 содержит незаменимые жирные кислоты, которые необходимы для строительства и функционирования клеток головного мозга. Я рекомендую ежедневную дозу не менее 1000мг.

Принимайте Омега 3 и другие добавки хотя бы пару месяцев и, возможно, антидепрессант вам не понадобится.