OCD and what can you do about it

Posted on by
Reply

So what should you do if you find yourself engaging in obsessive-compulsive behavior?
If you think that obsessive thoughts, compulsive tidying or keeping things in order is interfering with your daily functioning, you should definitely talk to a qualified counsellor.
However, there are some things you can think of even before your first session.
First, think about when do you behave in an obsessive-compulsive way? Are you stressed, upset or tired? What is going on for you at that moment? Obsessive-compulsive behavior is often used as a defense against unwanted thoughts or feelings. Thinking about what these feelings are and dealing with them will help you stop your OCD behavior.
Secondly, think about being in control. What does it mean for you? Do you have a feeling that you have to control everything in your life and that letting go off control will result in some kind of catastrophe? Keeping constantly busy, completing repetitive tasks, planning etc. are different ways of keeping control of our lives. If you will reflect on your need to control things and how relevant it really is, you might find different ways of being in charge yet allowing yourself more freedom.
Another important aspect to think about is perfectionism. How important it is for you to be perfect in everything you do? What would it feel like not to be perfect? Is it possible to measure perfection? Often perfectionism is a pattern we learned in childhood in response to our parents demands. It is an admirable quality to always strive to do your best, but it can also become a barrier to your creativity and stop you having fun.
Reflecting on these and other patterns of your behavior might help you gain more insight into the reasons behind your OCD and help you develop new ways of being.

Are you suffering from OCD?

Posted on by
Reply

When I used to work with mothers suffering with post-natal depression, one of the common features of my clients was an overwhelming drive to be perfect – perfect mother, perfect home maker, perfect wife etc. Such client would be unable to stop and sit down until the house was absolutely tidy, which, considering small children, almost never happened. There was always more ironing to do, more bathrooms to clean, more toys to tidy. One client ended up ironing until 3 o’clock at night when she realized that something is not right and decided to seek help. Compulsive neatness, desire to control everything and to be perfect are common feature of the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality disorder.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder. The ‘Obsessive’ part of OCD is characterized by persistent thoughts that cause the sufferer distress and from which there is little relief. There is usually a feeling that if compulsive behavior (for example tidying) will stop, something really dreadful is going to happen.
These thoughts and feelings then lead to compulsive actions, which have to be performed again and again. These actions or rituals can involve checking, washing, cleaning, (there can be an overwhelming fear of germs and contamination) touching objects a number of times, counting “magic” numbers or performing certain rituals. Even getting out of the house becomes a lengthy ritual, as all the lights have to be checked, things tidied up, shoes lined up together etc etc.
OCD sufferer has an overwhelming desire to control everything around him or her, so endless checks are performed to make sure things are under control.
Someone with OCD often has a compulsive desire to be perfect in everything. I have seen many mums whose children were always perfectly dressed, who baked the best muffins and whose houses were impeccable. Yet they were often too exhausted to play with their children or do something fun together. People in this situation put enormous pressure on their children and their families, but most of all on themselves. The result is usually exhaustion and often depression, when a person can’t be perfect anymore and just gives up.
So what can you do if you find yourself engaging in some OCD behavior? I will talk about it in my next post.

Who is talking in your head?

Posted on by
Reply

My clients are often surprised to hear that most of us have some sort of internal dialogue going on. “Hearing voices in your head” does not necessarily mean you are going mad – it just means that you have become aware of your internal dialogue.

Transactional Analysis regards this dialogue as an internal communication between ego-states. An ego-state is the set of related behaviors, thoughts and feelings. It is a way we manifest a part of our personality at a given time.

If I am behaving, thinking and feeling in response to what is going on around me here and now, using my resources as a grown-up person, I am said to be in my Adult Ego-state.

At times, I may behave, think and feel in ways, which are a copy of one of my parents or parent figures. On this occasion, I am said to be in my Parent Ego-state.

Sometimes, I may return to ways of behaving, thinking and feeling which I used when I was a child. It might indicate that I am in my Child Ego-state.

The internal dialogue between ego-states might be experienced as thoughts; for example, self-critical thoughts might come from Parent to a Child ( «You could have managed this situation better!» «You ought to have apologized first»). Although if the criticism is valid and relevant to the situation the message might be coming from Adult.
Child may then comply and accept the criticism («Yes, I should have managed it better. I am no good.») or rebel against it («I have done my best!») Self-pitying thoughts can be directed from Child to Parent(«Nobody likes me») to which Parent may respond in a supportive («Don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with you») or in a punishing manner («You brought it upon yourself!»)

Sometimes you can hear your actual parent’s voice talking in your head or it can be a voice you don’t know or can’t remember.

Learning about the content and quality of your inner dialogue allows you to bring confusing thoughts and feelings into your Adult awareness. Once unraveled, your inner voices will loose their power and will stop interfering into your daily life.

How critical is your inner voice?

Posted on by
Reply

We sometimes get upset at how other people treat us – somebody pushed you on a bus, your boss told you off for not finishing this report on time, your partner shouted at you for no reason. All of this can be really upsetting, but have you ever thought about how are you treating yourself?
When you are feeling down, upset or agitated, stop for a moment and listen. What is going on inside your head? How are you talking to yourself right now? What is your tone of voice? What are you saying?
More often than not, you will find that your inner voice is rather critical, sometimes more so, than your boss or your partner can ever be. You will be surprised to discover that you are often more “unfair”, negative and generally harsh with yourself than anyone else can ever be with you.
If we are constantly criticizing ourselves internally, we will usually take any external criticism very personally. On the other hand, if we are used to talk to ourselves in a positive and supportive manner, negative information coming from the outside will not affect us as much.
We can’t change the way other people think, feel or behave. If we don’t like the way someone is treating us, the only secure way to stop it happening is to cut communication completely. What we can change though, is the way we view ourselves. If we will stop criticizing ourselves and instead learn to give ourselves support and encouragement, our confidence levels will increase dramatically and we will be better prepared to deal with any external criticism.
Transactional Analysis understands internal dialogue as a communication between ego-states. I will talk more about it in my next post.

PMT – vitamins and supplements that can help

Posted on by
Reply

PMT

Millions of women are affected by PMT every month, yet very often it is dismissed by health practitioners as a “just in your head” sort of thing. The term PMT is used to describe the wide range of physical and emotional discomforts: bloating and indigestion, insomnia and depression, anxiety, cramps, anger and irritability. If there are some pressing problems in your life that require a solution, PMT might make them seem bigger and more acute. No amount of health supplements or medication will help you get rid of these issues, so before you start working on your PMT it is advisable to give your attention to all the unresolved issues in your life. It might be helpful to process your feelings with the help of a qualified counsellor.
But if there is nothing tangible that need sorting in your life and you are still feeling nervous, anxious and tense at this time of the month, then you could try these vitamins and supplements.

Vitamin B6, 50-300mg daily
Magnesium, 500mg and calcium, 250mg, daily
Vitamin B5, 1000mg daily
Evening Primrose oil, 500mg, 1-3 times daily

You could try traditional herbal remedies, such as Dong quai and black cohosh, preferably after a consultation with a qualified herbalist. Ayurvedic herbal remedy Triphala aids digestion and has a calming effect.

Exercise will help improve abdominal circulation and perspiration will remove excess fluids. It is also recommended to avoid certain foods before and during your period – salt and salty foods, cold foods and beverages, alcohol and caffeine in all form. Foods to increase are:
strawberries, watermelon, artichokes, asparagus, parsley and watercress (these are natural diuretics); raw sunflower seeds, dates, figs, peaches, bananas, potatoes, peanuts and tomatoes (rich in potassium).

Stressed? Try these vitamins and supplements.

Posted on by
Reply

VITAMINS AND SUPPLEMENTS FOR MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLBEING

In my practice as a counsellor I often meet people who were advised by their GP to take an antidepressant, but are reluctant to do so. Counselling enables you to address the issues that make your life stressful, but I would also suggest small changes in your diet and lifestyle, that will make a big difference.

These are the vitamins and supplements you might consider taking before starting on a serious medication.

Research indicates that the majority of mentally and emotionally ill have deficiencies in B-vitamin complex. The recommended daily dose is 25-50mg daily. Even completely balanced and happy people tend to become depressed and experience other symptoms of emotional disturbance when made niacin or folic acid deficient.

Another mineral, essential for our mental wellbeing, is Magnesium. It is important for proper nerve functioning. Recommended dose – 250-500 mg daily. Calcium alleviates tension and promotes relaxation, recommended daily dose – Calcium, 500-1,000mg.

Omega-3 is another great mood booster – it contains DHA, which forms about half of all the fat in brain cell membranes. It is needed to build and preserve pliable brain cell structures so the brain can work effectively. DHA is shown to improve mood by boosting serotonin levels. You need to take a supplement for at least a month before you will feel the difference. When you buy a supplement, make sure it contains both EHA and DHA.

Give these vitamins and supplements a try and enjoy increased levels of energy and vitality!

Is Your Anger Authentic?

Posted on by
Reply

So you think you are an angry person, but are you really? Try this exercise:

Imagine that tomorrow is the beginning of a holiday period and all the shops are going to be shut for several days.
You have no food left in a house and have just enough time to run to the supermarket and stock up before the shop closes.
You quickly fill up your trolley and go to the tills. There are just a few minutes left before the closing time.
You get to the checkout desk, the person at the till enters your purchases on the cash-till and tells you the total cost.
You reach for your wallet and can’t find it. You search and search and it is not there. You remember now that you left it at home.
As the line is building up behind you, you ask the shop assistant if it would be ok to leave your name and address, take your shopping and bring money after the holidays. The shop assistant replies that it is not possible.
So you can’t take your goods home and there will be several days before the shops will re-open.
As you realize this – How do you feel?

If you will do this exercise in a group, you will realize that different people will report different feelings.
The feeling that you will report is the one you are experiencing quite often in all sorts of situations.
This feeling will also be the one that was “allowed” or encouraged in your family of origin.
The emotion you felt did nothing to help you find a solution to your problem.

These characteristics are typical of what Transactional Analysis calls The Racket Feeling.

The racket feeling is usually a substitute for an authentic feeling. For example, you might get angry when you are really sad. Feelings substitution is happening out of awareness, so you might not even notice what you are really experiencing.

So next time you get angry, you might try to stop and think for a moment – what are you really feeling? Could you find ways of expressing that real feeling (fear, sadness etc.) instead of getting angry? Becoming aware of your real feelings and finding ways of getting your needs met will help you manage your anger and use it in constructive rather than destructive ways.

Post-natal depression. How can Transactional Analysis help.

Posted on by
Reply

Transactional Analysis was founded by Eric Berne, who sought to demystify psychotherapy and developed concepts, language and methods which were understandable to everyone.
Transactional Analysis believes that we are all living according to our script – a life plan, that is formed at about the age of 6 under the influence of the authority figures.
From this early age we see the world through the prism of our life script and either ignore the facts that don’t fit in or notice only the matching episodes.
Obviously, our “script vision” does not allow us to see all the variety of choices that life has to offer. As a result, we keep moving in circles, sometimes wondering why same things keep happening to us again and again.
For example, the person with a “Work Hard” script, will keep working overtime despite the signs of deteriorating health. The thought of stopping and having a holiday would not even occur to him. Or the woman with Don’t be important script message might marry several times to the men who make her feel unimportant, therefore reinforcing her script beliefs.

Having a baby is a highly emotional time for anyone. When we are tired and under stress, that is the time when our Script directives become most powerful.
For example, somebody with a “Be Perfect” script type may feel that his or her perfect world is blown to pieces with the arrival of a little baby and nothing will ever be perfect again.
On the other hand, a person with a “Work Hard” script theme will understand motherhood as yet another hard task, that has to be worked on, and just gets on with it.
If a mother grew up in a household where loud expression of emotions was taboo, she might find dealing with a colicky baby overwhelming. She might experience a sense of total helplessness, feelings of guilt or anger, or even get seriously depressed.

So how can Transactional Analysis help?
TA believes that our scripts can be changed and that we can live the life we choose, not the one we were programmed to live. After acknowledging your script beliefs you can then challenge them and replace them with the new ones.

Here is how it worked for some of my previous clients:

My first client, Laura, was a mother of 2, 5 year old and 1 year old twins. A successful business woman in the past, Laura was getting depressed staying at home with small children and relying on her husband to earn a living. Her husband was very supportive of her going back into business again, but she was torn between the desire to be a “perfect mother” and re-claim her “former life”. In a course of several sessions we explored Laura’s feelings about working and her feelings about being a mother, which revealed complicated relationship between her “inner child” and “inner parent”. What we achieved was Laura’s new ability to rid herself of adopted feelings and prejudices, which did not belong to her, and discover the feelings and desires of her own. With that new skill acquired Laura was able to build a new life, which included her children and her work, the way she wanted it, not the way she was “meant” to live.

Another client, Anna, realized over the course of our sessions, that she could no longer live her life trying to keep her mother happy. The way she did it was by being unsuccessful and not allowing herself to write, which was her secret ambition. Ignoring her mother’s statement that “girls should get married” and that “writing is not a proper job”, she went on to show one of her scripts to a famous film director. The movie came out this year and was a success. Now Anna is working on a novel.

A couple, Lisa and John, came to the clinic because they started talking about divorce, but were not happy about it. After several sessions they discovered the sticking point in their relationship: their attitude to “family time together”. John really loved and valued the time when they all sat at the table, ate and discussed the happenings of the day. Lisa absolutely hated it and stood up and walked out the moment she could. We discussed the attitudes to “family time” that were accepted in Lisa and John’s families of origin and how they felt about it. We talked about what this time meant for both of them and how they could arrange it to meet each other’s needs. But the main achievement was that Lisa and John were discussing their problem together and finding ways to solve it, rather than bursting into argument or sulking, like before.

What is Anger Management?

Posted on by
Reply

WHAT IS ANGER MANAGEMENT?

As a counsellor I often get enquiries regarding Anger management. So what is Anger management and how can counselling help?

Anger is a complex emotion and can arise for all sorts of reasons. Everybody is different, so I would usually suggest an initial session to explore the nature of your anger. What triggers your anger? Has it been a strong emotion through your life or has it come up recently? Have there been any significant events in your life that might be linked to it? If you get angry – when and where does it usually happen? Where do you feel anger in your body? What was the attitude to anger in your family of origin? Finding answers to all those questions will allow us to have a clearer picture of your anger and other emotions that might be behind it.

In our society anger is often confused with violence, so expressing anger might become a taboo. On the other hand, anger is often the only emotion that boys are allowed to show without being mocked or ridiculed. This situation can create a double bind, when anger becomes an only emotion that can be expressed, but it will be often accompanied by a feeling of guilt.

There is nothing wrong with being able to get angry and to express your anger, but it should be done appropriately and be relevant to your present situation. Counselling is there to help you understand your emotional life better and to be able to make conscious choices about how to act in the here and now.

Loosing weight with Ayurvedic diet

Posted on by
Reply

AYURVEDIC DIET

Ayurveda is a Sanskrit word meaning “the science of life”. The holistic Ayurvedic tradition has its roots in ancient India. Ayurveda teaches that different foods affect people in different ways, depending upon our individual constitution. So a certain diet can help one person to loose weight, but has damaging effects upon another person’s health.
I prefer Ayurvedic approach to dieting as it is treating each person individually. It is not about loosing weight or starving yourself, but about learning more about your body and adjusting your lifestyle to suit your needs. Ayurvedic approach is similar to the way I work with my counselling clients who wish to loose weight – it is about greater self-awareness, learning to be in tune with your body and starting to take good care of ourselves.
According to Ayurveda, we all belong to one of three dosha types: Vata, Pitta or Kapha. Three doshas represent three fundamental forces that regulate life – air, fire and water. All three doshas are present in every living organism. But not all the organisms have the same ratio of one dosha to the other two. Most of us have a dominant dosha that influences our physical and mental characteristics.

The following test will help you to get a general idea of your individual constitution. Read each statement and circle a number from 0 to 4. Total your score for each dosha by adding the circled numbers. Write down your total for each dosha.

VATA

I don’t like cold weather 0 1 2 3 4

I don’t gain weight easily 0 1 2 3 4

I often become anxious
and restless 0 1 2 3 4

My moods change quickly 0 1 2 3 4

I am creative, imaginative 0 1 2 3 4

I walk quickly 0 1 2 3 4

I have difficulty falling or
staying asleep 0 1 2 3 4

I tend to make and change
friends 0 1 2 3 4

I learn quickly and forget
quickly 0 1 2 3 4

I become constipated easily 0 1 2 3 4

Under stress I am easily
excited 0 1 2 3 4

I have irregular appetite 0 1 2 3 4

My skin tends to be dry,
especially in winter 0 1 2 3 4

My feet and hands tend to be
cold 0 1 2 3 4

VATA TOTAL ——————————–

PITTA

I don’t like hot weather 0 1 2 3 4

My weight is average for
my build 0 1 2 3 4

I tend to become intense,
irritable 0 1 2 3 4

My moods are intense and
change slowly 0 1 2 3 4

I am intelligent, efficient,
a perfectionist 0 1 2 3 4

I have a determined walk 0 1 2 3 4

I sleep well, for an average
length of time 0 1 2 3 4

Most of my friends are work
related 0 1 2 3 4

I have a good general
memory 0 1 2 3 4

I have regular bowel habits 0 1 2 3 4

Under stress, I am easily
angered, critical 0 1 2 3 4

I am uncomfortable skipping
meals 0 1 2 3 4

My skin is soft, ruddy 0 1 2 3 4

I like cold foods and drinks 0 1 2 3 4

My hair is fine, thin, reddish,
or prematurely gray 0 1 2 3 4

PITTA TOTAL ——————————-

KAPHA

I don’t like damp, cool
weather 0 1 2 3 4

I gain weight easily 0 1 2 3 4

I can be slow or depressed 0 1 2 3 4

My moods are mostly steady 0 1 2 3 4

My mind is calm, steady,
stable 0 1 2 3 4

My walk is slow and steady 0 1 2 3 4

I generally sleep long and
soundly 0 1 2 3 4

My friendships are
long-lasting, sincere 0 1 2 3 4

I have a good long-term
memory 0 1 2 3 4

I eat and digest slowly 0 1 2 3 4

I am stubborn, not easily
ruffled 0 1 2 3 4

I can skip meals easily 0 1 2 3 4

My skin is oily, moist 0 1 2 3 4

I have good stamina, steady
energy levels 0 1 2 3 4

KAPHA TOTAL ——————————-

Your highest scoring dosha is your dominant dosha.
Most of the people have two high-scoring doshas, which means you can follow a diet for one dosha type in winter and another one in summer.
Now you can google the recommended diet for each dosha type or get yourself a book an Ayurvedic nutrition.